Oh No, Not Me, I Would Never

Work is such a grind. Day in and day out we go in and try to save lives but spend more time kissing butt than telling people to get their lives together so they don’t have to come see us. It’s a Wednesday night and we get an ambulance call for them bringing in a 29-year-old female complaining of altered mental status.

First thing they train you to think of is “Oh she is having a stroke.” Hold up, pump the brakes rookie. Lets be honest at 29, whats the likely hood she having a stroke? It’s slim to non and I don’t worry about slim, that’s the doctor job. I do not gamble but if I was, I would place a million dollars on red and say she did drugs. The likely hood of her symptoms caused by drugs versus an actual clot in her brain is like 95% and the doctor gets to worry about that other 5%.

They arrive 10 minutes later and she is on the stretcher talking and flapping her arms everywhere. She has on a pink shirt so she looks like a big pink flamingo trying to fly but going nowhere. Didn’t have a clean room at the moment so I discharged a patient and the paramedics made the bed for me while I did other stuff. I appreciate our county EMS units, super cool dudes and they do anything that makes it easier for me and in turn gets them out the ER and back to their station.

Once they are in the room I leave assuming her nurse is going to come in and take over and triage the patient. I go back 10 minutes later and she never came in. Literally I have been doing most of her work all night so whats new, just par for the course because if I don’t I’m stuck with these patients all night. I need these people gone so I can relax and work on my healthcare company. At the end of this blog there is more info on that but let’s get back to the story for now.

I start triaging and her husband comes in and gives me the story. They went to a party at 5:30pm and came home. About 1:30 am she started acting weird, talking about random things, scratching all over and doing random things. So I ask him straight up, “Does she do any drugs?”. “Oh no, never, she does not even drink or smoke,” he states. Ok cool, so I asked her to give us a urine sample but she claims cannot.

Most women can pee on command. No lie, they rarely say they cannot, it’s just easier for them to go. I give my usual threat to catherize her for the urine and she says ok that fine. Hold up, what! Your 29 and too lazy to go pee in a cup, so your going to let me cath you? Ugh so aggravating. I couldn’t believe she called my bluff, but it is what it is, a cather is now in her future.

The paramedic had already put in an IV so I got blood and did an EKG. I was going to cath her but why should I do all the work. So I go looking for the nurse assigned to her. I look around and of course she is chilling at the nurses station talking. I don’t mind people taking breaks but I hate when I’m doing your work when you’re not busy. So I tell her to go cath here since I did all the rest of the work.

I go back an hour later and find them both sleep on the bed. She is knocked out snoring and he is laying on her asleep as well. His torso is on the bed but the legs are hanging off the bed touching the floor. It’s so awkward looking I felt weird. Like how is he sleeping like this? So much for having a chill party, apparently they both had too much fun if he can sleep in that awkward position.

I close the door and go on about finishing up some other work. I go and finally check her urine drug screen results and its all nice and full of juicy things. She is positive for Cocaine, Marijuana, Meth and Opiates. Well she is no angel but it’s whatever. We are not the cops, we don’t care what you do but just tell us so we don’t waste time guessing whats wrong with you. I let them both sleep it off and sent her home later.

Sorry its been a while since I last posted. Right now I’m working on a healthcare app. It will allow mobile document storage and sharing and provide healthcare opportunities to young professionals and human resources functions as well. By the end of the year we will be and running just corresponding with a team in London to build the app so look for that real soon. Have an awesome weekend and don’t forget to comment, share and follow on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.

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